Listening to Grief, Part 2

3/30/24 SOLSC Day 30

If you didn’t check out my last post, I hope this makes sense. I decided to post this today, on the fourth anniversary of my dad’s passing, which happened 366 days after we lost Greg’s mom. 

I’m doing another neighborhood walk with my headphones on.  I recently finished episode 1 of “All There Is with Anderson Cooper” so today I started episode 2 about the same time I started my second mile. ( I made sure I had tissues in my pocket, just in case.)

Episode 2, “Grateful for Grief” starts with Anderson talking to Stephen Colbert about his losses and grief. They are discussing how they see grief as a lonely journey. They are also sharing that grief gets less painful over time and Stephen shares the realization he had at one point, saying, “I had a gratitude for the pain of that grief.  It does not take that pain away…. It (Gratitude) allows you to examine your grief in a way that it is not like holding up a red hot ember in your hands, but rather seeing that pain as something that can warm you, and light your knowledge of what other people might be going through.” 

I paused the podcast and thought about this for a moment. This, I get. I saw it first hand when my mother (and 18 months later my father) was in hospice, and Greg showed me he understood my pain. He knew that road upon which I was walking, having walked it himself. I, too, am consciously sharing my journey with others, hoping they take some measure of comfort in sharing our grief journeys. 

I finally resume listening. About ten minutes later, as I start the last section of today’s walk, Stephen talks about an interview he did with Andrew Garfield after the loss of his (Andrew’s) mother. Garfield said, “I love talking about her by the way, so if I cry it’s only like.. (pause).. it’s only a beautiful thing. I hope this grief stays with me because it’s all the unexpressed love I didn’t get to tell her.”

This time I stop in my tracks, back up the podcast and listen again. Now I’m tearing up as I think, Yes, grief IS all the unexpressed love I didn’t get to share! I finally get moving, and finish my walk while hearing that sentence replay in my head – hearing the emotion in his words when he paused as his voice cracked. I think that this podcast is going to take time to get through, especially if I end up stopping and starting. But maybe that’s how it’s supposed to be. A journey isn’t just the destination; it’s also about the stops on the way. 

It’s all the unexpressed love… 

Thanks to Season 1, Episode 2 of “All There Is with Anderson Cooper”

Miss you both!

Some stunning places I’ve visited.

Dad wanted people to know this about him. “Travel was important. It was another place to go to see what magic has been wrought by God.” I will be paying attention, Dad.