3/29/24 SOLSC Day 24
I wrote about two weeks ago, one on of those oddly warm early spring days. I wasn’t ready to share it yet. Today I am. Five years ago today I lost my soon-to-be mother-in-law. Although I did not know her for long, she was a hoot. This is for you, Beverly, and the family you left behind.
I can’t remember who suggested Anderson Cooper’s podcast on grief. (I wish my memory was better – if it was you, please let me know so I can thank you!!) It’s called “All There Is with Anderson Cooper”. I’ve only listened to two complete episodes, and I can tell you this is going to be a useful and painful tool for my grief journey.
Imagine this. As I start my usual neighborhood walk, I decide to try this podcast. I move along the first mile loop listening & thinking about the trailer and then the first episode called, “Facing What’s Left Behind”. He talks about the fact that we all lose people we love, but we feel alone. We don’t talk about grief – how do we move forward? How do we move on with loss & love? These are great questions, Anderson. (I hope he has some wisdom, or at least finds it and shares it through these podcasts).
As I move into the second mile, I also move into tears, welling up and strolling down my face as I walk. Step, step, drip, drip, wipe, wipe. He is talking with his dying mother, and asks her permission to record some of their conversations. She says yes. Now I’m bawling as I’m trying to listen & walk.
Just hearing someone verbalize this hard journey that our society teaches us to take in silence, with only the lingering smell of funeral flowers and a heap of condolence cards to keep us company, feels right to me. I know it’s awkward to talk to someone who has suffered a recent loss. What do you say? Nothing will “make it better”. “I’m so sorry for your loss” is both meaningfully meant and yet doesn’t express the depth of pain we know someone may be experiencing.
In some ways it is worse when the loss has faded from everyone else’s minds, but it is still fresh in yours. They forget. You can’t. The people I love are gone. The pain remains, along with my memories.
Season 1, Episode 1 of “All There Is with Anderson Cooper”
WhereWeRV 
Thank you for sharing such personal pain and helping to de-stigmatize grief. I have heard more than once that grief is the inverse of love, and it’s because we love so strongly that we also grieve. I can tell from the photos that there is some serious love in your family.
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I have also listened to Anderson Cooper’s “All There Is” and have gotten something out of each episode. I mostly began listening because my husband’s mother died when he was 11 so I never got to meet her and neither my husband or his 4 sisters talk about her. I am on a forever journey to try to understand their grief that has never been outwardly expressed (for over 40 years since her death).
I wish more people would normalize talkingn(and writing) about grief. In some cultures it is talked about but in so many it is ignored.
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It’s good to hear you found that podcast a good use of your time. I’m looking forward to continuing it. How odd it is that your husband’s family doesn’t talk at all about their mother. Maybe someday they’ll want to?
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Yes, it makes me so sad. I wrote about her in 2020 when I began the SOLC(link below). I think it is just too difficult for all of them-they were all children when she died.
https://bloggedbutunspoken.wordpress.com/page/145/
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Writing about loss is never easy. Talking about loss is never easy. Yet, we all go through it. Listening to others speak of their loss lets us know that we are not alone. Sometime the best thing you can do for someone suffering a loss is to just be there and listen.
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Since I referenced you and that podcast on my post today, I will simply say thank you for sharing and walking this journey with me ❤
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I’m sorry we have to walk it at all, but I’m glad I can walk it with you!
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My husband has lost a lot of important people to him in the last 2 months–I’m going to recommend this podcast to him (and maybe even listen to it myself–it sounds powerful and important). Thanks for sharing about your experience listening to it. The juxtaposition of your walk and the podcast is a nice connection for the slice. I love this line: “As I move into the second mile, I also move into tears, welling up and strolling down my face as I walk. Step, step, drip, drip, wipe, wipe.”
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